Archer's Goon

Thirteen-year-old Howard Sykes lives in an English town with his parents, Quentin, an author and professor, and Catriona, a music teacher; his sister Anthea, always called "Awful" because of her constant screaming; and Fifi, the family's au pair.

Their life is interrupted one afternoon when an unnamed huge person, "somebody's Goon" as Fifi describes him, comes into their home and announces that he has come to collect the two thousand words that Quentin owes somebody called Archer.

It transpires that thirteen years ago, Quentin was suffering dreadfully from writer's block and hadn't been able to write anything for nearly a year after his last book was published, and so Mountjoy, a town official, came up with the idea that Quentin should undertake to write two thousand words of nonsense quarterly and deliver them to him at the town hall.

The Goon takes Howard to see Mountjoy, who reveals that the town is secretly run by seven wizard siblings: Archer, Shine, Dillian, Hathaway, Torquil, Erskine, and Venturus.

The Goon takes the family to meet Archer, who also believes that Quentin's words are restricting him and his siblings from leaving town.

On learning of Archer's ambitions, Quentin becomes convinced that the restrictions are a thoroughly good thing, and stubbornly refuses to write them anymore.

Other siblings also want to acquire samples of Quentin's words for the same purpose as Archer and they all start putting pressure on the Sykes family.

Torquil, who farms music and therefore is Catriona's effective boss, threatens that she will lose her job if she does not get Quentin to write him the two thousand words; Fifi, who has fallen in love with Archer, attempts to get the words for him; Shine sends a group of boys known as Hind's Gang, led by one Ginger Hind, to follow Howard and Awful and briefly kidnaps the two to use them as leverage, though the Goon and Torquil quickly come to the rescue.

Hathaway (roads and transport, archives and records) sends a messenger to collect the words, but Quentin locks up his typewriter with a length of chain and a padlock and gives it to the messenger, telling him to have Hathaway write the words himself; the street outside the Sykes' house is subsequently dug up and re-paved over and over again as a form of punishment.

When Quentin receives a letter from the town demanding payment of a huge amount in back taxes, Howard and Awful decide that they have to seek help from Hathaway who, they discover, lives 400 years in the past.

Erskine has the three locked up as a way of exerting even more pressure on Quentin, but they manage to escape with the help of the aforementioned Ginger Hind, who insists that he needs Howard's help to be free from Shine.

Venturus had twice, to get himself out of design problems with his spaceship, sent the whole town back thirteen years through time, accidentally transforming himself into a small child in the process.

Though one dodgy moral question goes unanswered, the ending is splendidly silly; Jones has written better books, but her inventiveness is a reminder that there's life in fantasy if you know where to look.

"[2] Weird Tales reviewer John Gregory Betancourt praised the novel as "a witty little urban fantasy [and] a delight to read.