[1] The roots of counterdependency can be found in the age-appropriate negativism of two-year-olds and teens,[2] where it serves the temporary purpose of distancing one from the parental figure[s].
As Selma Fraiberg put it, the two-year-old "says 'no' with splendid authority to almost any question addressed to him...as if he establishes his independence, his separateness from his mother, by being opposite".
[5] In similar fashion, the teenager needs to be able to establish the fact of their separate mind to their parents,[6] even if only through a sustained state of cold rejection;[7] and again unresolved adolescent issues can lead to a mechanical counterdependence and unruly assertiveness in later life.
[10] The counterdependent male in particular may pride himself on being 'manly' – not needing affection, support or warmth, and being tough, independent and normal instead[11] – something still reinforced by gender socialisation.
[15][full citation needed] In therapy, the counterdependent personality often wishes to flee treatment, as a defense against the possibility of regression.