History of courtship in the United States
The transition from primarily rural colonies to cities and the expansion across the continent with major waves of immigration, accompanied by developments in transportation, communication, education, industrialization, and the economy, contributed to changes over time in the national culture that influenced how young people met, interacted, and married.
Each colony was influenced by the customs of the founding group, reflecting the cultural and religious expectations of the society that provided the colonists.
[5] Young people's courting would take place in conjunction with ordinary daily activities, such as accompanying each other to church or performing chores.
Despite the watchful eyes of the families and communities, it was not uncommon for courting couples to engage in premarital sex and many colonial brides were pregnant on their wedding day.
[9]: 74–76 Later in the 18th century, as greater numbers of settlers moved to Georgia, courtships lasted longer and less often involved girls younger than 16.
[9]: 106 As the colonies matured, upper-class families might travel or send unmarried daughters to visit in other cities to widen their exposure to potential mates of the proper class.
Mothers would take their daughters to cities such as Savannah, Williamsburg, and Charleston for a social season of teas, balls, and formal dinners.
[10]: 23-33 In the years after American independence, young people enjoyed considerable autonomy in their social activities, with little oversight of courtships.
[12]: 8 [8]: 103–105 With heightened expectations of happiness and fulfillment from marriage and the strict disapproval of divorce, courtship was a high-stakes pursuit of the right partner.
One gentleman expressed his view of the testing:[12]: ch.6 If I had succeeded with you at the outset and been spared all the trouble and suffering which I underwent in my pursuit of you, I fear that I would not have appreciated the great value of my conquest and might have proved a less grateful and self-sacrificing husband than I intend to show myself.In Victorian America, strict observance of social codes was adhered to in public, but private life was expected to be free of constraint.
Etiquette manuals, magazines, and book-length guides provided advice and sample letters while at the same time insisting that the writer should write naturally and sincerely.
An 1890 study of female respondents to personal ads in the United States found that they sought independence from societal expectations and a degree of equality in the matter of marriage.
[11]: 192 Treating was the practice of providing companionship and intimate activity in exchange for entertainment outings, gifts, and other items of monetary value, such as tickets and clothes, leading to the working class slang term "date".
[11]: 192 In urban areas such as the Bowery, the expectation of sexual activity in exchange for presents and outings became part of courtship patterns in the youth culture.
[18]: 84 The increasing number of enclosed cars resulted in the automobile becoming an essential for courting, with the privacy that they provided encouraging intimacy.
[19]: 86 Young men and women, both in high school and college, often attended "petting parties" at which couples could experiment while the quasi-public setting limited the extent of the sexual experimentation.
[20] In 1937, sociologist Willard Waller, based on a study at Penn State College,[f] described it as a "rating and dating complex" in which males and females were rated in popularity by themselves and their peers on characteristics such as having money and good clothes, belonging to the best sorority or fraternity, and dating the "right" people,[21] although some later researchers question whether Waller's observations reflected as widespread a pattern as he implied and note that some individuals chose to pair off exclusively before it became the style.
Young people in the courtship phase of their lives were bombarded with messaging aimed to impose strict adherence to masculine and feminine ideals.
[20] Sociologist Wini Breines characterizes it as "a routinized sexual system that controlled and punished female spontaneity and ensured that young women followed the prescribed steps to marriage".
Young men and women continued to date, but the motivations were "intrinsic satisfaction" and increased intimacy rather than for prestige or expectations of it leading to marriage.
[29] The sexual revolution of the 1960s that introduced casual sex and questioned gender roles contributed to the abolition of traditional courtship.
The old rituals of dating, courtship, and marriage were replaced by conflict and uncertainty, although many young people continued to comply with some of the gendered conventions, such as who can ask someone out.
8 The old-fashioned dating scripts that relied on outdated expectations of gender roles were gradually discarded; the absence of those social norms resulted in "courtships that are fraught with confusion and mixed messages".
[2]: 24 From the sexual revolution of the 1960s through the start of the twenty-first century, the accepted linear patterns of courtship dissolved, as did the expectation that emotional, physical, and financial investments in a relationship would lead to a permanent commitment.
Clear expectations for how a couple would meet, socialize, and commit to each other were gone, leaving only uncertainty and occasional nostalgia for "traditional" courtship customs.
Additionally, websites and apps that host personals typically provide automated menus or sortable categories for common information, freeing the advertiser to tailor the narrative portion of the ad to their specific objectives.
[41] Hooking up was relatively widespread by the early 2000s, although traditional dating persisted on campuses in the South and schools associated with active religious affiliations.
[32]: 30–31 Sociologist Kathleen Bogle states that students meet in large mixed-sex settings rather than have formal dates, and from there may "hook up".
[18]: 98 Bogle found that after college, people were more likely to date than to continue the practice of hooking up, although it was still common for them to meet potential partners at bars and parties.
[42] A 2016 journal paper by sociologists Tracy Luff, Kristi Hoffman, and Marit Berntson states that their research found that college students continue to date.
