Fight 1: Howard Stern releases his corrosive flatulence on Kathie Lee Gifford, causing her skin to melt.
Fight 1: Bill Clinton accidentally tells Paula Jones to "Grab [my] nuts" through Stacy Cornbred's microphone so he can have the peanuts he ordered earlier.
Fight 2: Jim Carrey's head explodes when Mariah Carey sings and holds a very high note, much to the displeasure of every spectator and arena staff.
Also featuring Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. Fight 3: Spike Lee's neck is broken after guest referee Woody Allen karate chops him in the throat.
Spade uses the waistband of his underwear as a slingshot to shoot one of Scottie Pippen's NBA championship rings through Segal's head.
Also featuring Philip Michael Thomas, Cyndi Lauper, and Mr. T. Fight 1: A plywood sitcom set is constructed in the ring.
Fight 2: Viewers can call the fighters in this bout to tell them what they want to do to their opponent, a format similar to Larry King Live.
Tyra Banks, Claudia Schiffer, and Kate Moss rip each other apart until all three are left as hideously deformed, yet still walking clumps.
Fight 2: Bill Clinton dies after eating Saddam's burgers, which are infected with mad cow disease.
After killing Saddam, James Van Der Beek is arrested for desecrating an American flag, making the fight a no contest.
Fight 1: A grudge match (Franz's co-star, Ricky Schroder, was killed in a previous Deathmatch by Hung's student, Gary Coleman).
Ozzy Osbourne uses a skull splitter to crack open Rob Zombie's head and pulls out his brain.
Fight 2: Mills Lane shoves a lamp on Judge Judy while she is knocked into a chair, causing her to get electrocuted.
Tommy Lee is eaten by a crate full of hungry baby tree monkeys after being lowered by Heather Locklear.
Regis Philbin's lungs are stabbed out after Chuck Woolery loses his hands and sharpens his arm stubs to points.
Dr. Watson is stabbed, sliced in half, forced to eat a British meat pie and then decapitated by Jack the Ripper.
Fight 2: Mick Foley uses his sock puppet, Mr. Socko, and his signature move "the Mandible Claw", to tear off Ernest Hemingway's lower jaw.
Fight 1: Beavis, as the Great Cornholio, slices up Butt-Head into meat strips with tongs and a spatula to make "TP for [his] bunghole."
Fight 2: Leelee Sobieski feeds Helen Hunt her own hair, which is so long that it flows through her ears from her mouth.
Leelee pulls the hair sticking through Helen's ears, causing her head to implode, resulting in the removal of her brain.
When they see on TV that Sam Donaldson is telling everyone both Johnny and Nick are dead to take their spot as CDM hosts, they return to the studio and fight him.
Fight 1: Meat Loaf's head is cracked open after he lands headfirst on the steel chairs leading to the ring.
But, in a direct imitation of Korn's music video Freak on a Leash, he is shot by a piece of corn that came from Jonathan Davis's butt after it ricochets around the arena and bounces off the turnbuckle after the latter is kicked into the booth by Meat Loaf.
The winner of this fight would be made ten years younger with the CDM time machine so he could continue being a child star.
Fight 2: George Michael is ripped apart by a tiger that is awakened when Paul says the secret word "Sucker", causing everyone in the Arena to scream wildly.
Nostradamus is originally billed to fight John Edward, but leaves a note in the time machine saying that he forfeits because he foresees his own demise.
First, Kevin melts a part of it with his horrible rap (which only Mills Lane enjoys), and then he destroys the rest of it by punching Timberlake through the side of the head.
Fight 2: Rob Schneider is flattened when Rodney Dangerfield successfully pulls off a Triple Lindy, the diving move he used in the movie Back to School.
Fight 1: Kristin Cavallari uses her father's black American Express Card as shuriken to behead Mischa Barton.
Fight 2: Tobey Maguire is beaten up to death with his own leg removed by Jake Gyllenhaal, much to the dismay of an agitated Mills Lane.