Squeeze Me (novel)

Hiaasen explained, "It seemed clear to me that the bizarre and menacing real-life events following the recent national election required some satirical attention – an updated coda for the characters in the book, as well as for the readers.

Working with a retired highway patrol officer and Clinton "Skink" Tyree (an eccentric former Florida governor that often appears in Hiaasen's novels), the snake menace is finally ended.

On January 23, Katherine "Kiki" Sparling Pew Fitzsimmons (72) wanders onto the grounds of the exclusive Lipid Estate in Palm Beach after dinner during the annual "White Ibis Ball" to benefit victims of IBS.

When she fails to return, a search of the grounds finds only her purse, an empty martini glass, and a rose-colored tablet of Ecstasy, bitten in half, littered next to the koi pond.

Fitzsimmons's best friend, Fay Alex Riptoad, demands that Palm Beach Chief of Police Jerry Crosby devote his department's entire resources to finding her.

Crosby has little choice but to comply, knowing that Fitzsimmons, Riptoad, and five other widowed Palm Beach socialites co-founded the "POTUS Pussies" (shortened to "Potussies" for media purposes); besides their considerable combined wealth, the women are all fiercely loyal supporters of the President of the United States, and frequent guests at his nearby "Winter White House", Casa Bellicosa.

The following night, Lipid Estate's manager, Tripp Teabull, anxiously summons wildlife control expert Angela "Angie" Armstrong to deal with an 18-foot Burmese python that appeared on the grounds during the annual "Stars And SARS Ball."

Seeing the posting, one of the burglars, Uric Burns, strangles his partner to death and calls in an anonymous tip, which leads the Palm Beach police to find Fitzsimmons's body at the construction site.

Seeing the same posting, Angie quickly realizes what really happened to Fitzsimmons, and she shares it with Crosby, who sets a trap for Burns at the bank where he is supposed to collect the reward money.

protesters surround the jail, and Beltrán survives several murder attempts inside, gradually losing hope as even his own defense lawyers are forced to withdraw after receiving multiple death threats.

Although Teabull has eliminated all of the evidence against himself, he is still fired by his employers due to the bad publicity over Kiki Pew's death and forced to take a caretaker job in Newfoundland.

Meanwhile, more giant Burmese pythons appear in Palm Beach, including one slipped into the bakery truck carrying the President's personal shipment of Key Lime Pies from Marathon to Casa Bellicosa, and another into a bikini shop recently visited by the First Lady.

Angie used to be employed by the state as a wildlife officer, until she saw a poacher killing a fawn and not only arrested him, but deliberately fed his hand to an alligator, for which offense she lost her job and served fourteen months at Gadsden Correctional Facility.

She is surprised to be contacted by retired Florida Highway Patrol trooper Jim Tile, through whom she learns the name of the anonymous benefactor who paid for her defense lawyer: former state governor Clinton "Skink" Tyree, now living as a wild hermit and eco-terrorist in the Crocodile Lake National Wildlife Refuge.

In the spring, Ryskamp hires Angie to patrol the grounds of Casa Bellicosa during the annual "Commander's Ball", a pro-POTUS fundraiser lovingly organized by the Potussies.

The Ball is disrupted when Skink's largest python (measuring just under 24 feet/7.32 meters) appears on the grounds, interrupting a drunken tryst between Fay Alex Riptoad and the intoxicated brother of one of the other Potussies.

The President, annoyed at the diversion of the crowd's attention, storms outside to see what is going on, and is genuinely dumbstruck at the sight of the python, before his Secret Service bodyguards hustle him back inside.

Having learned about the First Family's respective affairs through Ryskamp and a friend on Casa Bellicosa's service staff, Angie has a note slipped to the First Lady, summoning her to a private blackmail meeting on the grounds.

Mockingbird, enjoying a getaway at a private beach with Youssef, is amused to receive a letter from one of Mastodon's lawyers, confirming that his mistress agreed to accept approximately $300,000 paid from Casa Bellicosa's catering budget, in exchange for scrapping her forthcoming book about their affair.

Likewise, event revenue at the club has declined after the ex-President's private helipad was demolished and noisy traffic from Palm Beach International Airport has been allowed to resume flying overhead.

Youssef breaks off his affair with Mockingbird and transfers off her security detail after she refuses to divorce her husband, explaining that their "companionship contract" which compensates her for appearing in public with Mastodon does not expire for another three years and is too lucrative for her to consider terminating early.

The version won an Earphone Award from AudioFile magazine, the review for which stated, "Brick offers an array of unique voices for the interesting characters who navigate the ensuing intrigue and inept politicking.

Trump is, in many ways, the perfect Hiaasen character: a rich, vain, racist, twice-divorced Palm Beach resident with a penchant for affairs with porn stars.