Take My Life...Please!

is the first segment of the twenty-second episode of the first season of the American television series The Twilight Zone.

In this segment, a recently deceased stand-up comedian must perform an act that will decide his fate in the afterlife.

However, the audience remains silent through joke after joke, and demand he instead tell them about the time he beat up a prostitute during a drunken rage, how he stole Dave's material, and his mother's death from hypothermia after evicting her from his house, which he blames himself for.

As he leaves the stage at the end of the set, he tells Max that the on-stage confession has made him realize that he despises himself.

Max says that because his act was a massive hit, he must continue to do it for two eons, repeatedly recounting the most shameful incidents of his life for the entertainment of the audience.