"The Metropolitan Touch" is a short story by English writer P. G. Wodehouse, and features the young gentleman Bertie Wooster and his valet Jeeves.

The story was published in The Strand Magazine in London in September 1922, and then in Cosmopolitan in New York that same month.

[1] In the story, Bingo Little tries to impress his latest love interest, Mary Burgess, by producing a series of performances at a school Christmas show.

He reports that Steggles, the bookmaker behind the Sermon Handicap and the betting at the school treat, is taking wagers against Bingo ending up with Mary.

Jeeves advised Bingo to do good deeds around the village to win back Mary.

Jeeves disapproves, and maintains that songs from London shows will not succeed with a rural audience.

Defeated, Bingo tells Bertie that Steggles substituted real oranges for the balls of wool, and Mary is upset with him.

[5] This story, along with the rest of The Inimitable Jeeves, was adapted into a radio drama in 1973 as part of the series What Ho!