The Notebooks of Lazarus Long is a 1978 collection of aphorisms by Robert Heinlein's main character, "Lazarus Long", excerpted from his 1973 novel Time Enough for Love.

In the context of the novel, the quotes were selected from Long's much longer memoirs (which make up a significant portion of the novel).

At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house.

If the universe has any purpose more important than topping a woman you love and making a baby with her hearty help, I have never heard of it.

Never try to teach a pig to sing – it wastes your time and annoys the pig.In 1978, these "notebooks" were published as a stand-alone work, with some quotes illuminated by D. F. Vassallo (similar to medieval scripture).