Theoretical Girls were a New York-based no wave band formed by Glenn Branca and conceptual artist and composer Jeff Lohn[1] that existed from 1977 to 1981.

Theoretical Girls was never signed by a record company, but is well regarded as an early leading no wave group that mixed classical modern ideas of composition with punk rock noise music.

The latter played drums, the former guitar in the quartet, which also featured keyboardist Margaret De Wys and vocalist/guitarist Jeffrey Lohn, a classically trained composer who, like Branca and so many others in the no wave scene, wasn't interested in working with popular musical forms until inspired to do so by the explosion of punk rock.

Confrontational and often funny in an aggressive way, the band's sound consistently displayed the influence of American minimalist music composers, such as La Monte Young, ranging from sparse, clattering rhythm pieces that sound like immediate forebears of early 1980s Sonic Youth, to abrasive drone slabs of art-punk noise music.

After Theoretical Girls folded, Lohn released an LP entitled Music From Paradise in 1984 on Daisy Records; some of which was used in a contemporary dance performance by Karole Armitage.