Jesus Couldn't Drum were a 1980s eclectic, experimental synth pop duo from Watford, England.

They were part of the 80s British loose guitar pop scene[1] and described by Sounds as resembling “The Residents gone crazy in Luton on Eyeless in Gaza demos”.

[2] Their theme tune was "two parts Bo Diddley to one part Eighties rockabilly" [3] Formed by Jonathan Lemon and Peter Pengwyn, they recorded three albums and released three singles on the Lost Moment label,[4] the last of which, “I’m a Train”, achieved moderate indie chart success.

Other members, mostly for touring, included Alan Way, Jennie Cruse and Michele Allerdyce from Frazier Chorus.

In 2018, the band's back catalog was purchased by Cherry Red, and they feature on the Electrical Language – British Independent Synth Pop 78-84 compilation album, along with The Human League and Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark.