[3] Khvoshchinskaya was born into a gentry family in the Ryazan Governorate, where her father held a civil service post until being dismissed due to accusations of embezzlement of government funds.

Because of poor health and lack of money, Khvoshchinskaya received most of her education at home from private tutors, attending a boarding school only for a short time between the ages of eleven and twelve.

Nadezhda and Sofia established a close relationship as children; as adults they formed a productive literary partnership, sharing ideas for present and future work.

[3][4] After the death of her father in 1856, Khvoshchinskaya provided a majority of the financial support for her mother, her sisters and eventually her late brother's children.

She was often stressed and overworked, and suffered from various health problems which were made worse by progressive scoliosis, and by the early death of her sister Sofia, with whom she was especially close.

Soon after Sofia's death Khvoshchinskaya married a young doctor and former political exile named Zayonchkovsky, who was fourteen years younger than her.