"Not If You Were the Last Junkie on Earth" is a song by American rock band the Dandy Warhols.

It was released on June 16, 1997, as the first single from their second studio album, ...The Dandy Warhols Come Down.

[2] As documented in the film Dig!, the song is dedicated to the band the Brian Jonestown Massacre, friends and rivals of the Dandy Warhols, who in turn dedicated their own track "Not If You Were the Last Dandy on Earth" to them.

Frontman Courtney Taylor-Taylor revealed in an interview that the song is also about his girlfriend who he said had become a heroin addict while he was on tour.

The music video for the song, directed by David LaChapelle,[5] features the group "playing among a troupe of dancing syringes" and was called an "arch, playful, taboo-shredding hoot" by Mojo.