Quirky Tails is the third in a series of short stories by Australian author Paul Jennings.

As such, the collection features the fewest stories to be adapted for the television series Round the Twist.

A boy visits a hypnotist on Christmas Day because he somehow gets a small mouth that is the size of a marble.

The boy explains through writing that while taking his younger brother Christmas shopping, they encountered a Santa Claus that had claws for fingernails and gave them, as well as their older sister, two wishes.

The story follows the narrator's encounter with a boy, Gerald, who purchases a bouquet of a dozen roses for a girl.

A man has kept his 14-year-old daughter Linda locked up in his house for her entire life; he is the only person with whom she has interacted, and he has deliberately communicated with her in 'mixed-up English', using words in opposite contexts (such as interchanging the words 'yes' and 'no') to demonstrate a point about the way a person learns to speak.

When the fireman asks Linda if anyone is inside the house, she tells him 'no'; but, her meaning is left ambiguous.