Skullion

For centuries, Porterhouse College has been renowned for its cuisine, the prowess of its rowers and the low level of its academic achievements.

Porterhouse is not an academic college; rather, it is a club for gentlemen, where admission depends on rank and wealth and where degrees can be bought.

Sir Godber, having been pressured by his wealthy left-wing wife, Lady Mary, announces sweeping changes to the centuries of college tradition, much to the concern of Skullion and the Fellows, who plan a counter attack to the proposed contraceptive machines, women students, and a self-service canteen.

Skullion contemptuously remembers Sir Godber from his student days as not being a gentleman as he had been educated at a grammar school.

This angers Skullion's sense of pride, and he advances menacingly on Sir Godber, who, backing away in fear, trips and bangs his head.

At the same time, the Dean decides to look for a new Master for the college, preferably a wealthy one, to replace Skullion; he drives around the country visiting Old Porterthusians (previous students at Porterhouse), including Lord Jeremy Pimpole, (who is now a chronic alcoholic with a sexual predilection for sheep and dogs), in the hope that he will find one is willing to become Master.

He is immediately and secretly sent to Porterhouse Park, an unpleasant retirement home for the college's mad or troublesome Fellows.