The Last Words of Dutch Schultz is a closet screenplay by Beat Generation author William S. Burroughs, first published in 1970.

Phrases such as "French-Canadian bean soup" took on a different meaning for Burroughs as he invented stories to go along with some of the nonsensical statements made by Schultz in his dying hours.

Large segments are dedicated to Burroughs' own creation, "Albert Stern", a morphine addict who randomly appears at intervals throughout Schultz's life and who ultimately attempts to take credit for his murder.

Throughout the script, Burroughs calls for a peep booth-style 16mm sex loop—depicting a red haired young man having aggressive intercourse with a Spanish woman in a brass bed—to be played at seemingly random intervals.

Although there have been occasional reports over the years of filmmakers wanting to adapt Burroughs' story for the screen, to date no one has seriously taken on the project.