On the way, they have many adventures and close shaves, including their ponies drowning in the river and losing all luggage but one helmet.

They have a nasty run in with some trollops, who plan to eat them, successfully squash four dwarfs, but they annoy the wizard Gandef, who temporarily turns them to mounds of sand as opposed to real stone.

The company entered the mountains after Gandef struggled to open the door until he coughed, which was apparently the password.

He challenges him to a game of riddles; with the cannibalistic philosopher seeing Bingo's presence as the only delightful moment in his life.

The wolves flee after Gandef sets them on fire, allowing the company to simply climb down the tree and walk away.

They meet highly bitter, political spiders in the forest who want to lay eggs in their beards, but Bingo realizes the Thing® can get them out of their peril, which it does.

Then, they find a brewery, where the men are morbidly obese Dwarfs and drunk and want to drown them because they can't sing.

At the end, most of the men and elves are massacred, three more Dwarfs die, Mori is severely injured and the gobblins swarm round them demanding the Thing®, but Bingo tricks them by giving them the Barking Stone, which they believe is the Thing® and whispers in it "war", which causes Gandef's dragon breath to erupt from the Only Mountain's chimney and kill all the gobblins, which encircles the remaining soldiers of the other four armies.

Gandef is confirmed and revealed to be a dragon, who can't remember that he wiped out the gobblin army and saved the survivors single-handedly, before flying Bingo home.

Also, at the end, it has various fake books being advertised, including 'The Spuddit' which is a parody of 'The Soddit' where the parts are taken by potatoes.