[3]: 497  During the American Civil War, Caroline's father's iron factory at Salisbury provided supplies for the Union Army.

[6]: 131 At the home of artist Thomas Prichard Rossiter, Caroline met lawyer Joseph Hodges Choate.

[6]: 131  He described Caroline in one of his frequent letters as "very fair haired and very light complexioned,... tall and rather slightly built, has dark brown eyes... She is the most graceful of women.

[6]: 131–133 Choate was a graduate of Harvard Law School, admitted to the bar of Massachusetts in 1855 and of New York in 1856, and in partnership with William M. Evarts and Charles F. Southmayd as of 1859.

[7] On October 16, 1861, Caroline Dutcher Sterling and Joseph Hodges Choate were married by the Reverend Samuel Osgood at the All Souls Unitarian Church on 249 Fourth Avenue near 20th Street, New York.

[10] : 133–134 A few months later, during the New York City draft riots of 1863, the Choates sheltered African Americans from attacks and lynching by white rioters.

[10]: 255–258 Joseph Choate himself witnessed the rioters' attack on Quaker abolitionist Abigail Hopper Gibbons' house.

In his 40s, after his partner William M. Evarts became involved in government, Choate increasingly took on major roles in appellate cases before the state and Supreme Courts.

[13] Choate tried high-profile cases including the corruption trial of William M. Tweed of Tammany Hall and a repeal of income tax.

Some of his cases were extremely high-paying, but he also did pro bono work, as in overturning the Court-martial of General Fitz-John Porter.

[13][9][14] The combination of birth, talent, and wealth placed Joseph Choate and his wife Caroline in positions of influence in Gilded Age society.

[15] Caroline Sterling Choate redirected her strong interest in art and cultural institutions into volunteer work.

[19][20][21] Caroline was involved in organizing the Society for Decorative Arts, founded in 1877 as a means of supporting unemployed women with artistic talent, many of them Civil War widows.

[27]: 33–34 [25] Caroline Sterling Choate, Margaret Barnard, and other members of the newly formed group decided to petition Columbia University to admit women.

[27]: 33–34 [25] Other signatories included Charles J. Folger, Noah Davis, John Forrest Dillon, Howard Crosby, Henry C. Potter, John Hall, Richard S. Storrs, Robert Collyer, Austin Flint I, William A. Hammond, Lloyd Aspinwall, Peter Cooper, Cyrus West Field, Edmund Clarence Stedman and George William Curtis.

[28] On March 5, 1883, the Columbia board rejected the petition, claiming that women lacked adequate preparation for the curriculum.

[33] Caroline Sterling Choate was also one of the founding trustees of Barnard College and served on its board from 1889 to 1930, a total of 41 years.

"[26][35] In 1925, Annie Meyer unsuccessfully proposed naming the Students' Hall at Barnard College in honor of Mrs.

[40] In her box, Caroline wore "a gown of black velvet, with a bertha of Venetian point lace, wearing a tiara of diamonds.

"[41] She and her husband supported the New York Association for the Blind, incorporated in 1906,[42] and Booker T. Washington's work at the Tuskegee Institute.

[44] In 1899, Joseph Hodges Choate was appointed Ambassador to the Court of St. James in London by President William McKinley.

[45] Although he was instrumental in securing a number of important diplomatic agreements,[46] Queen Victoria considered Joseph Choate loud and lacking in manners.

[48] Her successor King Edward and Queen Alexandra paid the Choates an unprecedented honor by dining with them at the American Embassy.

[9] Caroline Sterling Choate died November 12, 1929, at her home in New York City, 8 East Sixty-third Street.