[5] Commuter marriages are on the rise, with recent estimates indicating that as many as 3 million Americans reside in different locations from their spouses.
However, if this compromise cannot be reached, the option of commuting can be the result, where both spouses enjoy highly desirable jobs at the sacrifice of maintaining separate residences.
Research reveals that most commuter couples have a high level of education and that both partners have professional or executive careers.
[11] Lindemann has found that factors making dual-career commuter relationships more likely include financial security, self-reliance, a lack of children, and adaptability.
[13][14][15] Disadvantages of being commuting couples are 1) financial problems; 2) loneliness; 3) lack of personal and professional support system due to a lack of time to build and maintain these relationships; 4) negative attitudes from friends, family, coworkers, and society; 5) increased tension in marriage and the family; 6) decreased satisfaction with sex life; 7) missed important family moments and day-to-day experiences; and 8) lack of social life, hobbies, and individual projects.
Role conflict, according to Biddle, is “the concurrent appearance of two or more incompatible expectations for the behavior of a person”, and when a person experiences role conflict, it can have negative effects on multiple aspects of their lives, including decreased job performance and decreased commitment to an organization.
Also, families who are commuters are thought to become more competent in their performance of all family-related tasks, suggesting that there is a less traditional division of labor between women and men.
[8] These findings suggest that commuter couples may still be relatively traditional in their role divisions from a gender perspective.
According to Festinger (1954) and Social Comparison Theory, when there is no “objective” assessment for one's abilities or opinions, one will compare themselves to others who are seen to be similar.
It was found that partners who felt that their peers thought that the commuting lifestyle was the beginning of a divorce experienced more stress.
Through psychological (e.g., internal representation), symbolic (e.g., pictures), or physical proximity gaining accessibility, individuals calm down and restore security.
Specifically, dismissing-avoidant individuals have a positive self-worth, but have a negative view of the partner, and prefer low emotional involvement.
In contrast, individuals with anxiety attachment styles are hyperactive, continuously seeking and attempting to maintain partner proximity.
Those who have anxious attachment styles have negative self-views, and the partner is considered essential to self-worth but insufficiently accessible.
Commuter couples’ relationship quality are expected to differ based on the individuals’ attachment styles.
[8] Organization, frequent communication, and rituals have been found to be three of the most important aspects of successfully maintaining a commuting lifestyle.
[30][31] Developing a set of rituals and schedules can help commuter couples ease the stress of departing and reuniting with each other.
[32] Rituals such as daily phone calls, sharing dinner while talking on the phone, regular dependable visitation times, a predictable routine for reuniting and departing, special dinner dates for their first nights together, and leaving intimate messages and signs of affection have been found to be helpful for many commuter couples.