Surviving a nonmarital breakup provides the opportunity to self-discovery, generosity, dignity and nobility of grief, and the promise of recovery.
Jones and Burdette state in their work that we face two daunting risks when we pursue an intimate relationship with another: rejection and betrayal.
[4] Hill, Rubin, and Peplau conducted a study in 1976 where 231 heterosexual couples agreed to complete a questionnaire about their relationship for two years.
Relationships that die because they do not reach their potential, albeit a slow death, because of poor productivity or communication on one or both of the members of the dyad.
[7][8] Steve Duck's four stages of relationship dissolution, each very distinctive with specific components, are moved through once one or both of the partners have crossed a cognitive threshold.
Partners now create an acceptable story about their love and loss, do whatever cognitive work, including introspection, attribution, rationalization, and reassessment of self and other, which is necessary in order to get over the deceased relationship.
[10] Harvey (1996) explains that when you experience a loss or a depletion of resources, you may need some time to sort out what you had in the first place, what was given up in the breakup, and what remains for you to rely on, cherish or use.
Grief is not a passive experience but a series of active choices for the grieving person to confront and resolve in either the direction of healing or prolonged suffering.