Relational transgression
The third and final approach focuses more specifically on behaviors that constitute infidelity (a common form of relational transgression).
Implicit rules tend to be those that are accepted as cultural standards for proper relationship conduct (e.g., monogamy and secrets kept private).
The focus on relational transgressions as rule violations presents an opportunity to examine a wide range of behaviors across a variety of relationship types.
Emotional infidelity may involve a coworker, Internet partner, face-to-face communication, or a long distance phone call.
[1] Emotional infidelity is likely related to dissatisfaction with the communication and social support an individual is receiving in his or her current relationship.
[citation needed] A possible explanation for these differences has been proposed by evolutionary psychologists: over human evolution, a partner's sexual infidelity placed men, but not women, at risk of investing resources in a rival's offspring.
[citation needed] Therefore, a partner's sexual infidelity represents a potentially more costly adaptive problem for men than women.
This response in women is, by the arguments of the theory above, driven by the perception that emotional infidelity suggests a long-term diversion of a partner's commitment, and a potential loss of resources.
Consequently, relationship factors that are more associated with commitment and partner investment play a more critical role in the psyche of women in contrast to men.
[2] Individuals who are experiencing jealous thoughts typically make primary and secondary cognitive appraisals about their particular situation.
When individuals are motivated to reduce uncertainty about their partner, they use integrative communication, surveillance, and rival contacts to seek additional information.
For example, avoidance/denial may be used to protect one's self-esteem, but it may also result in increased uncertainty and relational dissatisfaction, if the jealous partner is left with lingering suspicions.
Similarly, compensatory restoration may improve the relationship in some instances, but it may also communicate low self-esteem and desperation by the jealous individual.
[10] Distributive communication, which includes behaviors such as yelling and confrontation, may serve to vent negative emotion and retaliate by making the partner feel bad.
These positive properties can be attained through development of one's ability to manage jealousy in a productive way, so that the jealous individual shows care and concern without seeming overly fearful, aggressive, or possessive.
Rumination is positively associated with several communicative responses to jealousy (e.g. compensatory restoration, negative affect expression, showing signs of possession, and derogation of competitors) that attempt to strengthen a relationship.
Rumination intensifies over time and serves as a constant reminder to the threat to the relationship, resulting in increased negative affect.
[12] Women generally experience more hurt, sadness, anxiety, and confusion than men, perhaps because they often blame themselves for the jealous situation.
People are highly inclined to trust the communications of others and are unlikely to question the relational partner unless faced with a major deviation of behavior that forces a reevaluation.
[27] In essence, relational partners choose constructive behaviors that show an emotional commitment and willingness to sacrifice in order to achieve a state of forgiveness.
Total forgiveness is defined as including both the intrapsychic and interpersonal components which brings about a return to the conditions prior to the transgression.
[29] For example, a partner may not relinquish negative emotions yet choose to remain in the relationship because of other factors (e.g., children, financial concerns, etc.).
Conversely, one may grant forgiveness and release all negative emotions directed toward their partner, and still exit the relationship because trust cannot be restored.
[33] In terms of personality traits, agreeableness and neuroticism (i.e., instability, anxiousness, aggression) show consistency in predicting forgivingness and forgiveness.
[41] However, if a transgression is repeated resentment begins to build which has an adverse effect on the offended partner's desire to offer forgiveness.
[43] Consequently, offenders who immediately apologize, take responsibility and show remorse have the greatest chance of obtaining forgiveness from their partner.
[1] By taking responsibility for one's actions and being forthright through self-disclosure of an offense, partners may actually form closer bonds from the reconciliation associated with a serious transgression.
As noted in the section on personality, repeated transgressions cause these relationship repair strategies to have a more muted effect as resentment begins to build and trust erodes.
Most common of the remedial strategies, an apology is the most straightforward means by which to admit responsibility, express regret, and seek forgiveness.
[2] Avoidance can be effective after an apology is sought and forgiveness is granted (i.e., minimizing discussion around unpleasant subjects once closure has been obtained).
