The American Psychological Association describes tough love as the ‘fostering of an individual’s well-being by requiring them to act responsibly to seek professional assistance for their behaviours’.
For example, genuinely concerned parents refusing to support their drug-addicted child financially until he or she enters drug rehabilitation would be said to be practicing tough love.
[9][10] Other examples of tough love include establishing clear boundaries, refusing to enable destructive behaviour, providing honest feedback, allowing natural consequences and failure, encouraging independence and interventions, holding accountability, and lacking empathy.
To support humanist's beliefs, it was found that greater parental conditional regard was significantly associated with contingent self-esteem and increased levels of depressive symptoms.
[12] Attachment theory and developmental psychology would emphasise the necessity for love and nurture during early childhood for emotional security and well-being in adulthood.
[14] Tough love has been found to improve collaboration performance in cross-organisational contexts in contrast to soft (nurturing) or hard (pressuring) approaches.
[17] Studies have shown that an authoritative parenting style, the one that most closely demonstrates tough love, is characterised by warmth, responsiveness and clear boundaries, promoting positive child outcomes.
She emphasises the importance of individual boundaries and respect, stating tough love is a sign that ‘things in the parent-child relationship have gone south’.
Physical punishment can sometimes be associated with tough love but is also very damaging to children, increasing child aggression, antisocial behaviour, lower intellectual achievements and mental health problems.
[30] Szalavitz believes 'tough love' encourages unnecessarily harsh rules, "brutal confrontations", and a presumption that pain produces growth.